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Despite what the #patriarchy tries to tell us, a woman's friendship (I'm talking about relations between a man and woman in this instance) should not be considered ~the worst possible thing in the world~ .
Of course, unrequited love with someone who only sees you as a friend SUCKS. However, considering a woman to be worthless if she doesn't offer you her body (because the "friendzone" is just SUCH a TERRIBLE place to be) sucks way more.
Asking for friendship feels so scary because of all the negativity our society associates with the "friendzone," so you end up ghosting instead.
And that's really messed up to do to a person that you would consider a friend. Of course, the other person has every right in the world to request space to get over their feelings, or to express that a friendship would make them kind of uncomfortable. Why ghost someone who could turn out to be a great friend?
These pressures become internalized, and it seems a whole lot easier to just fade away than have to risk emasculating a man with the words, "No, I'm not interested." This is some horrifying bullsh*t summed up by Daisy Buchanan for the Guardian when she writes, "I'm tired of being kind to creepy men in order to stay safe." If you don't understand how real these fears are, let's remember that almost one year ago, 27-year-old Mary Spears was shot to death by a man after she refused to give him her phone number. These sorts of incidents understandably make us feel that we owe men an explanation if we aren't interested in hopes that we won't be painted as a bitch, or worse, killed.
But all we should have to do is say, "No." Your safety is what is most important, so if your gut is telling you to ghost and avoid a possibly dangerous confrontation with someone you've been dating, then please ghost away into that good night.
You can rise above this, no matter how terrifying a "heeeey, I don't think I see this going anywhere" conversation may be (trust me, I know).
It's so prevalent in our dating culture that we sometimes prepare for it in how we choose to date.According to an survey of 120 women and 65 men, 25.83 percent of women have "both ghosted and been ghosted" and 33.33 percent of men have "both ghosted and been ghosted." Let's try to be nicer to ourselves by owning our desires (or lack thereof), and let's be nicer to each other by respecting the time and feelings of the person we're dating even when we're not into it.With that being said, let's talk about what you can do the next time you are considering ghosting.Another young woman that Krupnick spoke to actually has her friends write the breaking-off text for her since she knows she will talk herself out of it.Once sent, she'll avoid looking at her phone for hours because the message makes her so uneasy, but at least the message is sent and she has done the most respectful thing that she can in the situation.
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We can't even walk down the street without some strange dude asking us to smile for him.