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Within minutes we were sitting with the little people.My Midget Princess was at the table, and even though I’d only had like five beers, the room was spinning around her.The TV and lights were still on in my apartment, I’d left the steak I was going to eat for dinner thawing in the sink, and I was still covered in gym sweat.None of that mattered; I was finally going to fuck a midget.
She looked at me and smiled, her mashed-up teeth sparkling in the oily light of the popcorn machine.
Walk out into the hallway, and do a double take at the FLEET of Rascal scooters in the ballroom lobby (Rascals are those red motorized scooters that you always see old people on in the grocery store). Reeling from this discovery, you head into the ballroom and see approximately FOUR HUNDRED MIDGETS!!! I am honestly not sure how the next part unfolded, but I do know for damn sure I had nothing to do with it.
You might first think you stumbled into a geriatric convention, but you study the people on the Rascals, and realize something: None of their feet are touching the base. One moment I was sitting at a table in the ballroom, staring in utter disbelief at the midget dance party in front of me, the next moment, I was part of a group walking toward the elevator.
Eventually, Soylent Green–who thinks he’s better than me because he isn’t obsessed with fucking a midget–had to take over.
I think the midgets took a liking to Soylent because he is barely taller than they are and he looks exactly like Gimli the Dwarf from the movies.