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Several hours later, my head bent over my Spanish text in an overheated room in the student center, I heard a polite cough behind me.

"That's the difference between you and me," he said. Two years later — two months before our January 2000 wedding — Elon told me we had an appointment with a lawyer who was going to help us with a "financial agreement" that the board of his new company wanted us to sign.

Elon's judgment overruled mine, and he was constantly remarking on the ways he found me lacking.

"I am your wife," I told him repeatedly, "not your employee." "If you were my employee," he said just as often, "I would fire you."By the time e Bay bought Pay Pal in 2002, we had moved to Los Angeles and had our first child, a boy named Nevada Alexander.

In the late spring of 2008, my wealthy entrepreneurial husband, Elon Musk, the father of my five young sons, filed for divorce. I was an aspiring writer in my first year at Queen's University in Ontario, Canada, sprung from a small hometown and recovering from a difficult case of first love with the older man I'd left behind. He said we'd met at a party I knew I hadn't been to.

Six weeks later, he texted me to say he was engaged to a gorgeous British actress in her early 20s who had moved to Los Angeles to be with him. (Years later, he would confess that he had noticed me from across the common room and decided he wanted to meet me.) He invited me out for ice cream.

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It was this board that was supposedly urging him to get a "financial agreement." What I didn't understand at the time was that Elon was actually ushering me into a period of "mediation," which, I now know, means anything done or spoken is confidential and cannot be used in a court of law. He had grown up in the male-dominated culture of South Africa, and the will to compete and dominate that made him so successful in business did not magically shut off when he came home.

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